Software Developer's Blues

Developer’s Dilemmas
By Dev (Eloper) D’Bugger (a.k.a. Dev D.)

Developer Philosophy:

1> The problem with integers: Integers are neither long nor short. Nor are they light enough to float. They are lonely creatures and can’t Double themselves alone. Infact, they are so minimal, they don’t even have a point (decimal).

2> The problem with DateTime: There is no problem with the datatype “DateTime”. The problem is that we developers either don’t get a Date. Or we don’t get Time for a Date…

3> A ‘word’ is a binary morsel that one can either gulp down in a couple of ‘bytes’, or slowly enjoy it in four ‘nibbles’. Or, just munch at it ‘bit’ by binary ‘bit’. But how a piece of code consumes it shows its ‘character’.

4> C# Classes, unlike humans, can inherit from only a SINGLE Parent Class…


Developer’s Prayer: “Dear Computer-God, You gave us Copy and You gave us Paste. But why didn’t You give us “Flush”, to dispose off our buggy-code waste?”

Developer’s Wish: “I wish there was a ‘FLUSH’ functionality in my IDE for fixing my bugs. Isn’t flushing a simple, fast and convenient way of getting rid of your own mess?”


Developer’s love-life Dilemma: Why is the return type of the function “DoYouLoveMe()” always a Boolean? And why is its default value usually “False”???


Developer’s Dilemma-in-law:
Father of the girl-friend: “So what do you do for a living?”
Dev Loafer: “I am software engineer”
Father (confused): “soft wear engineer… bole to?”
Dev Loafer: “I code on a workstation – on Windows 7 Platform”
Father (concludes): ‘This good-for-nothing guy… he WORKs on some railway STATION at the ticket WINDOW on PLATOFORM no. 7… @$$#0!@’


Developer’s Binding Dilemma: Apply Binding to Pages and you get a Book. But apply Binding to Controls on a Page and you get a BUG??


Developer’s woes (what’s “bugging” me?):
1> Why does “Committing” a file into a Source Version Control feel so much like “Committing” suicide or “Committing” a grave Sin?

2> Why is Fixing the Bug not as easy as Fixing dentures or Fixing a Match

3> If fixing your own bug is similar to dying, then coding is digging your own grave

4> Testers Dilemma: Why try to specify a root cause for a bug – when we all know that the Root Cause for any Bug is a Developer?
Developer’s Dilemma: Why try to specify a root cause for a bug – when we all know that the Root Cause for any Bug is a Tester? (Isn’t s/he the one who found it in the first place?)

5> Developer’s Ultimatum: Either you kill the Bug. Or the Bug will kill you.
Manager’s Ultimatum to Developer: If you don’t meet the Deadline, then you are Dead.

6> Fix the bug. Else you will be in a fix.

7> Manager’s take on Bugs and Requirements: A bug is a result of either an unimplemented requirement, or a misunderstood one. But it better not be the Developer’s coding mistake…
Developer’s take on Bugs and Requirements: A bug is a result of either a new requirement, or a wrongly stated one. And it surely is not my coding mistake.
Client’s take on Bugs and Requirements: I don’t know what I require but you better fix that bug whatever it is…